How To Be An Adult In Relationships
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"Most people think of love as a feeling," says David Richo, "but love is not so much a feeling as a way of being present." In this book, Richo offers a fresh perspective on love and relationships—one that focuses not on finding an ideal mate, but on becoming a more loving and realistic person. Drawing on the Buddhist concept of mindfulness, How to Be an Adult in Relationships explores five hallmarks of mindful loving and how they play a key role in our relationships throughout life: 1. Attention to the present moment; observing, listening, and noticing all the feelings at play in our relationships. 2. Acceptance of ourselves and others just as we are. 3. Appreciation of all our gifts, our limits, our longings, and our poignant human predicament. 4. Affection shown through holding and touching in respectful ways. 5. Allowing life and love to be just as they are, with all their ecstasy and ache, without trying to take control. When deeply understood and applied, these five simple concepts—what Richo calls the five A's—form the basis of mature love. They help us to move away from judgment, fear, and blame to a position of openness, compassion, and realism about life and relationships. By giving and receiving these five A's, relationships become deeper and more meaningful, and they become a ground for personal transformation.
We were made to love and be loved. Loving ourselves and others is in our genetic code. It’s nothing other than the purpose of our lives—but knowing that doesn’t make it easy to do. We may find it a challenge to love ourselves. We may have a hard time letting love in from others. We’re often afraid of getting hurt. It is also sometimes scary for us to share love with those around us—and love that isn't shared leaves us feeling flat and unfulfilled. David Richo provides the tools here for learning how to love in evolved adult ways—beginning with getting past the barriers that keep us from loving ourselves, then showing how we can learn to open to love others. He provides wisdom from Buddhism, psychology, and a range of spiritual traditions, along with a wealth of practices both for avoiding the pitfalls that can occur in love relationships and for enhancing the way love shows up in our lives. He then leads us on to love’s inevitable outcome: developing a heart that loves universally and indiscriminately. This transcendent and unconditional love isn’t just for a heroic few, Dave shows, it’s everyone’s magnificent calling.
"Most people think of love as a feeling," says David Richo, "but love is not so much a feeling as a way of being present." In this book, Richo offers a fresh perspective on love and relationships-- one that focuses not on finding an ideal mate, but on becoming a more loving and realistic person. Drawing on the Buddhist concept of mindfulness, How to Be an Adult in Relationships explores five hallmarks of mindful loving and how they play a key role in our relationships throughout life:1. Attention to the present moment; observing, listening, and noticing all the feelings at play in our relationships.2. Acceptance of ourselves and others just as we are.3. Appreciation of all our gifts, our limits, our longings, and our poignant human predicament.4. Affection is shown through holding and touching in respectful ways.5. Allowing life and love to be just as they are, with all their ecstasy and ache, without trying to take control.When deeply understood and applied, these five simple concepts-- what Richo calls the five A's-- form the basis of mature love. They help us to move away from judgment, fear, and blame to a position of openness, compassion, and realism about life and relationships. By giving and receiving these five A's, relationships become deeper and more meaningful, and they become a ground for personal transformation.
Explores the human ability to trust, and argues that people must develop trust in four directions, including toward themselves, toward others, toward life as it is, and toward a higher power or spiritual path in order to maintain healthy relationships and experience emotional well-being.
Invites readers to examine their relationships from a non-traditional perspective, drawing on western and eastern philosophy and a range of spiritual traditions to demonstrate how to heal oneself and a relationship, break unhealthy cycles, create a spiritual marriage, and establish healthier beliefs. Reprint. 15,000 first printing.
The author of the bestselling "How to Be an Adult" explains in his characteristic popular style how fear can cripple our ability to take risks in life and how it can be overcome by love. He looks at the deepest roots of fear and suggests practical ways to escape from fear.
"Am I with the most selfish person alive?" "Am I being selfish when I do the things I want to do?" "If you loved me, you would..." The battle of what "I want" versus what "you want" is intense. Couples are in a constant tug of war, squabbling with each other with no regard for their partner's feelings, with great guilt over their own perceived selfishness, or feeling somewhere in between. And it's costing us our relationships. What About Me? will guide readers through the new terrain of relationships in this era of entitlement, showing how selfishness plays a role and helping you better understand what being selfish really is. Learn to: see beyond what you perceive as selfish requests-your partner's and your own conquer the selfish hot spots that flare up in your relationship understand all the differences, fears, and preferences that come between couples Through anecdotes and quizzes, and drawing from Dr. Jane Greer's more than twenty years of experience in relationship counseling, What About Me? will teach readers what's reasonable to expect of themselves and their partners, equip them with the tools to move from "me" to "we," and get them back on track to happily ever after. "Finally, a simply put yet deeply resonating guide to help us eliminate toxic messages that feed into our relationships! Keep What About Me? next to your bedside and get what you need, immediately!" -Emme, supermodel "What About Me? unabashedly digs deeply into the origins of conflict in relationships and paves the way for resolution, healing, and happiness. This is a book that will serve all of us well." -David Perlmutter, MD, author of Power Up Your Brain: The Neuroscience of Enlightenment
Is there a science to love? In this groundbreaking book, psychiatrist and neuroscientist Amir Levine and psychologist Rachel S. F. Heller reveal how an understanding of attachment theory-the most advanced relationship science in existence today-can help us find and sustain love. Attachment theory forms the basis for many bestselling books on the parent/child relationship, but there has yet to be an accessible guide to what this fascinating science has to tell us about adult romantic relationships-until now. Attachment theory owes its inception to British psychologist and psychoanalyst John Bowlby, who in the 1950s examined the tremendous impact that our early relationships with our parents or caregivers has on the people we become. Also central to attachment theory is the discovery that our need to be in a close relationship with one or more individuals is embedded in our genes. In Attached, Levine and Heller trace how these evolutionary influences continue to shape who we are in our relationships today. According to attachment theory, every person behaves in relationships in one of three distinct ways: *ANXIOUS people are often preoccupied with their relationships and tend to worry about their partner's ability to love them back. *AVOIDANT people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness. *SECURE people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving. Attached guides readers in determining what attachment style they and their mate (or potential mates) follow. It also offers readers a wealth of advice on how to navigate their relationships more wisely given their attachment style and that of their partner. An insightful look at the science behind love, Attached offers readers a road map for building stronger, more fulfilling connections.
Poisonous Parenting shows readers how to recognize the effects of negative parenting and strategies for helping adult children who are suffering from toxic attitudes and behaviors. Readers will learn when to try to save the relationship, when to proceed with caution, and when to disconnect in order to keep the poison from spreading.